I want to drown in my sorrow; simply because it's easier to just let everything go and let yourself sink away.Being a darkminded teenage human being, I find it easier to believe in the shadows on every bright corner, and often can't get myself to tire those 15 muscles we use when smiling...
I have an image in my head, of a girl who's sinking away in a black puddle. She's holding on to the branches of tree that's leaning over the puddle a bit. She hung that way for quite some time, but never really tried to pull herself up. She knows what lies in that puddle; she's been there, it's hers.
She doesn't know if she has the strength to drag her butt out of there, and a lot of fears keep her from doing it as well. She's a tad scared of falling, and also afraid of what she'll find in that tree; maybe it's best to stay in a place where the birds won't taunt her.
Another main reason, is change. Every human being fears change somehow. It isn't easy to adjust to a new style of living, thinking, feeling, seeing or breathing, it's safe to stay in the position you've been put your entire life. (Even if your "entire life" is just a tiny fragment of one, like the 15-year old one of mine.)
Well, I fear change, but I also loathe this routine. I can either let go and drown or wait another couple of years for my dress to dry, untill I have enough strength to pull myself up to that tree, where I will have to use even more will and strength to keep my balance...
I'll just hang around for now.
~With Love, Fifi
Abonneren op:
Reacties posten (Atom)
This is the best description of depression I have ever read. I have always wondered: when you're capable of describing it in such detail and with such accuracy, is it not a sign that you have overcome it? But people who can really know tell me that isn't true, unfortunately.
BeantwoordenVerwijderenIf, however, depression can lead to such marvels of creativity, at least it takes the edges off. A brilliant guy like Stephen Fry - almost rhyming now... - has been fighting depresion all of his life. Yet he is so witty and charming that he gives joy to many, many people. Does that help him? In the least? I don't know. If you, dear Highteamother are right - and of course you are - then it won't. Because you need to be in the branches, swinging through the tree, searching the open land around you, eager for new experiences. And you can't help yourself from just hanging in there. At least know that you're not alone.