Some thoughts on depression

I want to drown in my sorrow; simply because it's easier to just let everything go and let yourself sink away.Being a darkminded teenage human being, I find it easier to believe in the shadows on every bright corner, and often can't get myself to tire those 15 muscles we use when smiling...

I have an image in my head, of a girl who's sinking away in a black puddle. She's holding on to the branches of tree that's leaning over the puddle a bit. She hung that way for quite some time, but never really tried to pull herself up. She knows what lies in that puddle; she's been there, it's hers.
She doesn't know if she has the strength to drag her butt out of there, and a lot of fears keep her from doing it as well. She's a tad scared of falling, and also afraid of what she'll find in that tree; maybe it's best to stay in a place where the birds won't taunt her.
Another main reason, is change. Every human being fears change somehow. It isn't easy to adjust to a new style of living, thinking, feeling, seeing or breathing, it's safe to stay in the position you've been put your entire life. (Even if your "entire life" is just a tiny fragment of one, like the 15-year old one of mine.)

Well, I fear change, but I also loathe this routine. I can either let go and drown or wait another couple of years for my dress to dry, untill I have enough strength to pull myself up to that tree, where I will have to use even more will and strength to keep my balance...

I'll just hang around for now.

~With Love, Fifi